A Mystic Meg may have the answer

It is within recent memory that I could get double the price and the choice of the village virgins for such a ticket.

Yes, I know we'll probably lose, but surely there must have been someone who'd give up Saturday afternoon trailing around the Misery Centre with their beloved?

Even if you were disappointed by the match, you could be entertained at half-time. Just watch the frantic, sniffing stewards hurtling in and out of the toilets like a punter with a dodgy stomach.

The criteria for beating us used to be that you'd have to score at least five, particularly at home, nowadays you just need an 'e' in your name.

Worryingly for Ashley, I honestly don't know a single person who is definitely renewing their season ticket.

The reduction, such as it is, must be taken before the transfer window closes and recent experience has taught us that our objective in these windows is to make a profit.

Who in their right mind will commit hundreds of pounds and then find out that our decent players have left, only to be replaced by a Lithuanian midfielder laughed out of Preston?

Not even the sacrificial head of Wise will suffice.

Rumours abound that if we are to continue with the Director of Football position, it may be taken up by JFK.

While not ideal, this is infinitely preferable to exposing the poor beggar to the stresses and strains of being in the dug-out.

Ideally the whole lot needs cleared out and I wouldn't be disappointed to see a young, eager manager come in like Burnley's Owen Coyle.

It won't happen, of course, Ashley will probably just trawl through his address book again.

In the week that a film about the sadly departed genius Brian Clough is released, how about contacting one of those ludicrous TV psychics and having the Daddy of all interim managers?

blackadderboy@yahoo.co.uk