Rudderless United in grip of a storm
NOW you must come home for the first time since you were slung out of the house. And the fear of being abject failures judged by stern parents is a frightening thought.
Rudderless United face two matches at St James's Park in four days without a clue how to stop the rot.
When the Magpies gained a magnificent draw away to champions Manchester United on the opening day of the season and followed it up with a home victory against Bolton all seemed aglow.
Kevin Keegan was bouncing around spreading optimism like confetti in a summer breeze, yet three matches later United haven't picked up another solitary point, they have crash-landed second bottom of the Premier League, and Keegan has slunk off battle scarred and weary following a furious row with Mike Ashley's men.
What United's owner has presided over is nothing short of a betrayal of honest football folk. Us Geordies.
There's even talk of an interim manager being appointed to try and bring some sanity and belief into a car wreck of a club.
That would mark a new low, never having happened before in United's turbulent history.
A manager, followed by a caretaker manager, then an interim manager while the club is sold - at a whacking profit if a greedy man has his way. What a sick joke.
Spurs, the other giants cut down to pygmy size, are here on Wednesday night for a Carling Cup tie and then it's Blackburn Rovers on Saturday in the Premier League.
What will be the response of the thousands who demonstrated inside and outside of St James's Park at the last home game?
Well, most will probably stay away for a midweek cup-tie, refusing to spend hard-earned money on dross, and who can blame them? After that the next callers are Blackburn and Paul Ince, who was supposedly on Ashley's wish list for a new manager before he was forced to change his tack and head out of town.
My, oh my, how we need a quick solution to a dreadful problem, yet the odds are we won't get one.
Especially if Ashley is sticking out for a financial killing on a club he has ruined.
He had better get on with it, because with every day that passes he is devaluing his prize asset.
Risk the club's Premier League status and he'll not only face the permanent wrath of the whole Geordie nation but be in control of a club which would be worth about half of what it is right now.
To be beaten comprehensively by a West Ham team that is absolutely no great shakes was a clear warning to all.
It's now three defeats in a row and a trend has been established.
Players are suffering through no fault of their own.
They are as bewildered as we are, they wonder where guidance will come from, and whether or not they can jump ship come January.
Ashley would have sold any of them as the August transfer window closed, which was one of the many things Keegan objected to with such dire consequences.
Now those who were being betrayed probably think it's not such a bad idea leaving a ship holed beneath the water line.
James Milner was lucky, they probably think.
Michael Owen might live to appreciate the days when Ashley refused to give him a new contract because to be tied to a club going nowhere and fast carries little appeal.
Owen looks certain to go right now, unless a new owner and new manager can work a miracle in no time at all.
What of the loyalty of Shay Given, an Irishman who has become an adopted Geordie?
He deserves better. Need I go on?
Alan Shearer no less has joined with his former boss Sir Bobby Robson in urging Ashley to get it sorted.
Shearer destroyed United's showing at Upton Park, highlighting on Match of the Day the shocking defending when he was relentless on the two centre-halves.
He doesn't often get so riled in public, but then all this is such a downer for a Geordie we can hardly be surprised.
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